5 Heart Smart Steps for Anger Management

Five Heart Smart Steps for Anger Management

Conflict happens to everyone. 

For persons with hidden differences these conflicts can be invisible until there are so many that the person explodes. One hurt builds upon another hurt and no one sees it happening. Conflict self-care is an individual responsibility, but how can we manage it before it grows out of control especially if we deal with FASD, ADHD, SID, ASD and all those other silly D's.

Some of the things that may cause hidden conflicts others do not see or understand:

• When I am blamed for something I didn't do, it is easy to immediately go on the defense because I am not able to confidently dance verbally around the reality. I don't know what words to use to protect myself so I go off to keep the person away.
• When someone uses a big voice instead of speaking to me with kindness, I can feel the hard or aggressive tone and when I feel that tone I am triggered. It is different coming from a woman or a man. From a man it is deeper and I may be triggered quicker because I believe at that moment they are being mean and I react to protect myself. I go into defense to defend myself and I do it without thinking I simply react. With a woman when the voice is firm or bratty, it doesn't make my heart jump so I am not on automatic snap, but I may still be rude to give myself time to think about what just happened. 
• When plans are quickly changed it is overwhelming and frustrating because I have worked my schedule around the situation, and navigated  to get there which can be very difficult on public transportation or relying on another person. I even have to sometimes reschedule my medication times to make an appointment work, so I can be functional at that appointment. I know people without my differences don't understand the extreme rudeness change is for me and how it affects my life.  

1. When your heart is upside down - BREATHE first!

BREATHE - Something has turned your heart upside down... frustration, confusion, bully behaviors, overwhelming situations or just life in general. Realize emotions you may consider negative like anger and pain are not always bad.  

• BREATHE deeply into you belly until you can hold no more air think 'I can get through this, I can handle this, I can do this.' (One way is to count in 7 short breaths)
• BREATHE out your feelings of hurt or anger until you have no air left in your lungs and you need to take another breath. Repeat. (One way is to blow out 8 - 1 long breath and the 7 short breaths)
• Do this as many times as you need to... Repeat - repeat - repeat

If breathing is not working - 

2. Place your hands together and press hard

PRESS YOUR HANDS TOGETHER HARD (like praying flat hands) AND BREATHE- Continue breathing and press your hands together hard. This is when I say "_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding." 

• RAISE YOUR PRESSED HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND BREATHE  -  This helps the tightness I feel in my shoulders, arms and neck. I continue to I say "_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding." 

• RAISE YOUR PRESSED HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD, MAKE A BIG CIRCLE OUT AND BREATHE  -  This helps the tightness I feel in my shoulders, arms and neck. I continue to I say "_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding" or sometimes by this time I can simply be quiet.... 

If I am still overwhelmed - 

3. Grasp your hands together and hang on for the ride!

GRASP YOUR HANDS TOGETHER (like folded praying hands) AND HOLD ON TIGHT NOW  BREATHE- Continue breathing and grasp your hands together hard. This is when I say "_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding. Against such things there is no law." Try to relax your hands as you breathe.

• RAISE YOUR GRASPED HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND BREATHE  -  This helps the tightness I feel in my shoulders, arms and neck. I continue to I say "_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding. Against such things there is no law." Try to relax your hands as you breathe.

• RAISE YOUR GRASPED HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD, MAKE A BIG CIRCLE OUT AND BREATHE  -  This helps the tightness I feel in my shoulders, arms and neck. I continue to I say "_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding. Against such things there is no law." Try to relax your hands as you breathe. Usually by this time I am ready for a walk or thinking time. 

Open your new heart - 

4. From your praying or grasped hands open your hands into a new heart - now right side up!

• TAKE A MOMENT FOR YOURSELF - Give yourself a pat on the back for stepping through another hard place. Go for a walk, listen to music that is peaceful, look at something in nature that is beautiful to you (clouds, flowers, trees, animals). 

Take the next step - 

5. Reach out to another person and share your new wisdom.  

• IF YOU LEARNED SOMETHING NEW from this experience of riding your anger safely through a cycle let someone you love know what happened, how you managed it, what you plan to do again and what the person can do to help you navigate this if needed. 

  Do the best that you can.

 Each one of us can reach another in kindness and love. 

Do something for another today.

Special thank you to POWER PEOPLE

Sam, Liz and David - for their counsel in the development of this program. 

Please share in fullness with our connections -  2013 Better Endings New Beginnings

visit http://www.betterendings.org

Need to encourage your place of faith to have a
special needs inclusive ministry? Read more

Shoutin' Out About the Realities of Fetal Alcohol

I am so proud of my A-Team who worked super hard all day shouting out about the realities of FASD in the life of adults living with these challenges.

We passed out 100  - 049 MOFAS chapsticks - got lots of commitments for Baby Showers and Sobriety Pledges, met a great group of men really interested in making a difference in supporting women, talked with a restaurant interested in hosting Baby Showers for 049 in 2013 - and hundreds of other wonderful people.

Great job A-Team! See ya'll tomorrow at the Minneapolis Convention Center Health Life Expo...

Want to join us... You can come FREE --- just bring something for the food shelf!!!

Minneapolis Healthy Life Expo to Build Better Baby Brains

 Introducing our new program for 2013 call Live Abilities for adults with hidden differences. Stay tuned!

Liz, Sam and I will head out soon for the Healthy Life Expo. Our booth placement is next to the STAGE at the Minneaplis Convention Center and it couldn't be better. We look forward to introducing people to FASD and supporting MOFAS in their 049 Pregnant Pause. Hoping to help future baby brains.

Free Tickets for Minneapolis Healthy Life Expo This Weekend

Adults living with the challenges of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder have joined forces to speak out and share with the public!

Come see our booth this weekend for FREE!

We need volunteers for a PREGNANCY PAUSE!!!!

JAN 12-13, 2013 ~ Healthy LIFE EXPO™
Saturday 10am to 5pm and Sunday 10am to 5pm
Minneapolis Convention Center Ballroom - 1302 2nd St - Minneapolis, MN - 55403

Nutrition, Fitness, and Longevity - It's all here! Explore up to 200 exhibitors offering everything for health, balance and success in all areas of life. 3 - Stages of on-going speaker presentations, demonstrations and live entertainment. Product sampling, hourly drawings and free health information. The Smart place to get the free tips information to start living a healthier life. See the latest in men’s & women’s health, weight loss, living well, health services, and much more! Seminars, product demonstrations, entertainment, and great shopping all weekend long!

This will be the FIRST time they have featured FASD and it will be the kick off for our ADULTS living with these life challenges to reach out to the public!!!! We're making noise! Want to volunteer at our booth - COME JOIN US!
         
Admission $6 or PRINT FREE TICKETS AND COME SEE OUR BOOTH: http://www.mediamaxevents.com/vip

And so this is Christmas living with the challenges as a adult with fetal alcohol

And so this is Christmas:

We're down to the home stretch now, only 2 more sleeps to Christmas. 

My son has gone to spend the holiday with his mom, because as every body knows - nobody NOBODY does Christmas like MOM! :) That leaves me and two cats to have fun ourselves. And we do!
They get presents and some special food too!

There are no decorations at my home, no sounds of Christmas choirs or jingle bells. While there are a few paintings and prints in the living room, my own room is bare white walls, save for one small picture of my daughter. I hide the modems because the blinking lights tend to throw me off after a while. And between the computer, the cable box and the telephone we have a whole lot of blinking lights all over the place. So, no need for Christmas lights as far as I'm concerned! LOL! It sounds bleak to some, but to those of us living with FASD it feels safe and comfortable. There are times when we just need a break from all the lights and sounds and my home is where I can do this.

Being a safe place for me sometimes means the exact opposite to my apartment though... it's the place I can let down my guard and show my frustration at the world, or myself in that world. It's where I giggle like a little kid while wrapped up in a snuggly watching cartoons, or at this time of year It's A Wonderful Life. It's the place I can stop and try to figure out the world outside. It's the place I melt down. :( It's also the place I build myself back up again. :)

Through the years I've had to learn to become quite a handy man, thanks to this "thing" I've fought all my life. I can mend a door, change a window, patch a hole and paint like there's no tomorrow. Sometimes though, I don't repair these things... I leave them as a reminder of what can come to pass. People see this damage and go "oh that's terrible" and all that... but what they don't know is that same damage is forever imprinted on my soul. I'm not proud of that damage, it's not something I ever wanted to be responsible for... no it is a shame I have to bear. And not forget what can happen IF I allow myself to get into that frame of mind. Understanding FASD has made me understand just how very important self soothing is to an adult like me. There is no one else to do it, and I can't be melting down or shooting off every time some thing does not go to my liking. Having a person I can trust as my external brain helps me understand many things, but some times I am the only one who can prevent or at least lessen these things from happening. And that is just how it should be. If I want to be independent then I have no choice but to accept and deal with my own actions. "I am the Captain of my fate; I am the Master of my Soul". Understanding that it is because of the FASD that I have a hard time regulating myself emotionally has given me the tools to "fight the beast". Knowing and understanding has made all the difference.

I'm so much better than I used to be in this area, but sometimes I still kick a door jamb, or suddenly let loose with some loud expletive... but it is getting better and better. I never thought there was any way to fight this, but I am learning that knowledge really IS power. I CAN beat this thing and I will.
Taking care of myself... eating, sleeping and that sort of thing and a good amount of physical exercise also help to no end.

It is reactive anger and I work at stopping the reaction that causes it to spill out into the world. No one can see my confusion and pain, nor can they see my frustration. I get frustrated that I feel like this, and that leads to added frustration because I feel frustrated for feeling frustrated. Make sense? No... but that's what it's like... sometimes it's a loop I get stuck in. Fun, huh?

So, this Christmas don't forget how all these sensations and emotions can give us need for some quiet time, for a place we can just relax for a bit. I have to hand it to a great friend and her family... they invite me for Christmas and don't bat an eye if I suddenly have to go outside for a walk, or stand instead of sit, or walk from room to room... or just sit quietly. I really enjoy being able to share the festive season with them all.

Everyone I hope you all have a Wonderful Christmas time... no matter your beliefs or values, we could use more of this "Peace on Earth" stuff!

And that is my wish for each and every one of you this year-

****************P E A C E*****************

:) RJ - "Flying with Broken Wings" reprinted with permission from Facebook
We are excited to include RJ in our website of experts after the first of the year 
www.braidedcord.net

FREE download for the holidays if you're out of money - give freely

 Better Endings New Beginnings Offers The Whitest Wall by Jodee Kulp

FREE FOR CHRISTMAS 

Regular $9.99 on Kindle

Looking for a gift and no money left...FREE kindle download from Dec 22-26

"Winner 2012 USA Books Award" Best Young Adult Fiction
"Winner Mom's Choice Gold Award" Best Young Adult Fiction
"Winner Mom's Choice Gold Award" Best Adult Fiction

"This book should be read if every high school classroom in America!"

In a season of hurting, understanding differences in each other may be the bridge of healing and stopping future violence.


BOOK REVIEW
“Kulp has created a new third-person Catcher in the Rye”
– Lyelle Palmer, Ph.D., Special Education Professor Emeritus, Winona State University, Minnesota.

“Jodee Kulp’s beautifully drawn characters will touch your heart, mind and soul.”
– bestselling author, Diane Chamberlain, Before The Storm

The Whitest Wall has the ability to change the perception of how we view others, treat others and understand others. Learning how to deal with
brain injuries, neurodevelopmental therapies and living with a neurologic brain condition, is life threatening for many. Without the proper support, understanding or human connection, these injured beings fall from everyday life. Sometimes these injuries are not always heard or seen and people live in a silent world of pain. Kulp’s novel, "The Whitest Wall", opens the door to the silence and screams to promote insight.

Kulp writes her novel with a sensitivity that speaks to her personal experiences with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASDs). She moves her characters freely and easily through her story giving them color and value so that readers are able to connect with them. This connection is what she uses as her learning tool. Her boomerang effect is that she teaches others about the nature of living with FASDs—she educates her readers on living with a neurological brain disorder.

"The Whitest Wall", is meant to inspire conversation about FASDs. It is a novel that uses fiction as a vehicle for public education. Kulp interweaves her characters, she builds upon truth, sprinkles on fright and reality for flavor and delivers a fascinating story that will touch the hearts of everyone that reads "The Whitest Wall".

— Sara Hassler, Midwest Book Review

FASD Think Tank - Premiers Blog with Holiday Strategies.

Enjoy our first FASD Think Tank article

  

Holiday Strategies

www.fasdthinktank.blogspot.com 

to help families 

live, laugh and love

 throughout the holidays. 

May your celebrations be filled 

with love and peace. 

Jodee, Liz and Karl Kulp