COMMITTED TO GROW

From Liz

Mom, don't you understand that I am committed with rules and regulations that if I don't obey they will increase my stay, my time, my life will never be my own. I am to participate and comply and obey and yet because they cannot get my medications filled it can be my demise - once again - and I will not let that happen because of medication. I did that once because I did not understand, but now I do. I lost my life and my will to live not understanding my medication and what it can do, that it can curl my fingers and toes and scrunch up my stomach so I cannot eat if the helping pills are wrong in dose or type so what I thought could help can hurt. I cannot unravel myself again. I have worked too hard to rebuild from nothing.

Yet without the medications to sleep how will I not pace, how without sleep will I participate in groups and activities the next day. You wonder why I worry and and am full of anxiety - it is my life they take - when I cannot take my perscription because it is unavailable. And I have heard it before, that they understand, but they dont't. They will judge me. They always do. On behaviors I may be unable to deal with and so I would rather risk fighting to get what I need than lose what I have gained.

I have been taught to be compliant - med compliant. To obey the hospital where they taught me how, and when, and how much, to mould my mind to even and without this prescription filled I cannot be - the me - they desire and want for me to be free.

Red tape and government rules I cannot scale without your help. I need a conference call between my doctor, and you, and the pharmacy. I will even pay for the meds myself to remain compliant. How can I prove myself if I cannot have the tools I need to do the job they require?

I am writing lyrics again mom, for the silent voices of fetal alcohol, I will fight the fight.

A Pit Bull With Lipstick

From Liz

Sometimes everyone needs an advocate
Mom, you know what they call you?

You're a
pit bull with lipstick
and that's pretty funny because
I wear the lipstick
and you never do
You train dogs
but you raise poodles.


I guess me and the poodles
need a pitbull
with lipstickto guide
and show us the way.
and not put up with
our silly billy prancing
but work to keep us
calm and maintained
secured through
the strength of caring.


You're a pit bull with lipstick,
and I know that is true
because I have seen you
march upto a gangster
and neck hold the leader
against the wall to explain
in no uncertain terms why
claiming points for virgins
is not cool.


You're a pitbull with lipstick
and I know that is true
because I have seen you
alpha dog stare down
the most feared of all
who feared you enough
to call his father for advice
Whose father thanked you


You're a pitbull with lipstcik
and I know that is true
because you growl seldom
you don't have to
You're presence changes
hearts and minds to make
better decisions.


I laughed when I heard you
called a pitbull with lipstick
but I know it is true .
And if I got to chose
another mother -


I would have to choose you!