I Will Never by Vicki Brewster, May 21, 2004

I Will Never

I will never have the children I dreamed of adopting-

But I do have the children

God planned for me to adopt.

So I will adopt new dreams

for my family and children.

I will never be able to be the mom I want to be.

But I am "their" mom

So I will be the mom they need.

I will never have a "normal" day - one without meds,

doctor appointments, therapy, IEP meetings.

But I do have normal moments.

So I will learn to savor the moments

and take each day as it comes.

I will never be able to assume my children can

follow the simple rules, act appropriately,

understand the consequences of their actions,

or be safe.

But I can surround them with a support system

who will think for them,

remind them of the rules and consequences,

and keep them safe.

So I will be their external brain.

I will never know what my children could have been.

But I can celebrate the wonder of who they are

and what they can become.

So I will give them all the love, support,

encouragement, and the tools they will need

to become productive adults.

I will never be able to change the fact that

the birth mother drank during her pregnancy.

But I can forgive.

So I will not condemn, pass judgment or hate her.

I will never forget the damage that alcohol has done

to my children's brains.

But I can make a difference for another child.

So I will share my knowledge and experiences

as often as I can.

I will never see another child screaming in a store

and just assume he's misbehaving due to poor parenting.

But I can sympathize

with the stress and frustrations of meltdowns.

So I will smile

and offer words of encouragement and support to the mother.

I will never hear another horrible news story

about a child in trouble with the law

and not wonder - was he FASD?

But I can pray for them and their families.

So I will pray for the ones in the news

and the ones we don't read about.

I will never know a bigger joy

than watching my children master a new goal,

remember a rule, or sleep thru the night.

But I can lower my expectations of them and myself.

So I will celebrate with them

every mountain climbed and hurdle crossed.

I will never have a day that is not wholly consumed

with the results of a woman who drank during pregnancy.

But I can raise the community's awareness,

education and support

of this totally preventable birth defect.

So I will.

So I will.